I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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