i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
