She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
