last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
