Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
