Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
