Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
