so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
