yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
