we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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