Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
