I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
