I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
