So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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