even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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