You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
