I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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