if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
