Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
