i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need water and some morals
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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