You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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