for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so let's talk penis.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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