He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
