I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize