I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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