And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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