dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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