I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize