Non-Jews are for practice
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
