i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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