Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
