Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
wow bdsm is so cute
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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