I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize