There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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