I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it's like heaven, but drunker
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
