My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize