An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how does that bad decision feel?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
