I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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