Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
