Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Randomize
