Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
