Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
