Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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