I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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