Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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