we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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