u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
