I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
