Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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