yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I will pee on everything he values.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
