nutella sex= disaster
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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