I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm really busy with my period
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