Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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