Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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