Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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