I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
