Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
