Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize