I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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