I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
