I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
