Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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