so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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