Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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