My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
