i just made my gag reflex go away.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
