Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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