I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
