Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
