a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then he tried to convert me to islam
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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