Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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