college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
