Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
